what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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