The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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