And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize