My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize