I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
