Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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