I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
