i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just want to make out with him forever
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
