How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
