What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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