Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
