Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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