um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
