My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
