Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
