Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
