Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Acid is not a monday night drug
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
