I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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