I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
