so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
