i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
