my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
