Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
my liver is dry heaving
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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