What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
