btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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