does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
