My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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