last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
