He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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