How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
