Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
