shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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