ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh god it's open bar.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
