I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
no, he came in my armpit
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
