i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
