I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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