where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
