i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
