she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
