can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
