I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
