that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
