You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
