Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
