Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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