i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
