...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I looked at my own cervix.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize