my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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