He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
