I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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