so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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