So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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