I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
