There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I FOUND THE LEGS
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
