ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
