I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
