2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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