My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
