Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
