Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
